you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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