He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
