dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Alive.
So much puke
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
