TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
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