Already got asked if we're dating
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
