i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
