4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
two words...techno handjob
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
