do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
