I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
