One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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