It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
