I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Holy shit dude........stairs
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
