white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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