the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
