you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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