New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
