he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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