I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize