Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
