he shaved USA in his pubs
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
