I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
