do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
