maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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