ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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