Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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