Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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