i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
