She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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