I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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