haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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