I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
