Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
