Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
