Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She bit a glass in half.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
