Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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