Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
