I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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