I will die if light touches me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
