Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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