two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
