for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
