hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
