Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize