I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
