Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
