you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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