Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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