So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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