But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
