I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
