im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
