If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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