You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
