i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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