then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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