I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
