Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
