I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
