Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
