I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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