Pappa wants mamma naked
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
People in love make me want to vomit
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
