If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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