when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize