i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
