Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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