I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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