im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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