and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
