Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
