I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
