found the other keg... it's in the tree
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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